Friday: a tough day.

Hello all!

Yesterday morning went way to fast. Incredbily too fast. Instead of getting my fill of alone tiem, I became more aware of how little alone time I get! It just made me want more, unfortunately.

About 11:30 I went to meet my mom at the high school. My sister attends this school, and my mom works here prat time. We were here for 1 ½ hours or so while my mom showed me around and finished up some of her work. Afterward, we went to this local ice cream store and chatted for a while. Well, “chatting” means that she talks and I listen. :) But God is teaching me through this experience and giving me grace in this area.

We didn’t get home til almost 3:00pm, and then we left again at 4:00pm to take a 1 ½ hour bus ride. We went with a group of people in their church to a ministry that that started in another part the city. I was not prepared for this night. That might be an understatement. We left at 4:00 and got back at 11:00pm. While we were there, there were just tons of kids going nuts. It was kind of like youth group, except for all ages. There were kids from babies up to high school. There were just a million of them! I “helped” with ages 4-6. Okay, let’s be honest, I didn’t do much. I’m hardly an intimidating figure for these kids. I mostly tried to keep my sanity.  

Overall, the day was very very  tiring. Kids in this type of setting are definitely not my strong suite. I’m a deep conversation person, not a gatekeeper of screaming kids. It was a challenge, but I know that it meant a ton to my mom and sister that I went. In fact, they told me when we got home that they were so thankful that I went with them. They said that I’m the first missionary who came with them to this ministry. I know they are proud of this ministry and wanted me to see what it was like. Honestly, I think it’s a good thing for the kids…it’s just not something I’m gifted in. My Tica mom and sister, on the other hand, thrive in this type of setting and totally love it.

This morning I got up at 8 (this family isn’t near as much into sleeping in!) and had breakfast with my mom and brother. After showering and getting ready, I went with my mom to run errands. We went to the farmers market in this town, and then we went to buy fabric for this camp that they are having. They have a camp of 350 people for their church, and my mom and sister are 2 of the people in charge. So we had to go buy fabric for different little scarves and things that they were going to use. This took most of the morning, and I’ve been chatting with my mom since I got back.

This afternoon my mom and sister went to a meeting that they have. This meeting is for the coordinators of the camp (which is next weekend). They left at 1:00pm, and they won’t be back until 7:00pm tonight. Praise the Lord that I can have some time to skype with my family (for the first time in a really long time) and be alone. My brother is here now, but he’s leaving soon, and my dad will be home later. Even so, they are far less chatty than my mom and sister :)

I pray that God sustains me, as yesterday was the most difficult day of the week for me. It’s hard to explain in a blog, but it was emotionally draining for various reasons. By the end of the day, I was totally wiped out. I pray that God gives me time alone and that he would be sufficient for me. Father, teach me what it means to be totally satisfied in you.

The week is flying!

Hola!

I don’t even hardly know where to begin. I could give you a run down on every day, but really its been so full that I don’t’ think I have time to do that. So I’m just going to stick with the generalities of how things are going. I really, honestly like it here. I love my family so dearly, and they are just wonderful. Today I have the morning off and I am in the house alone for a few hours. This is such a wonderful break from the busyness of this week. I’m so thankful for this time alone. I managed to wash my clothes…at least I think so. It’s really quite the process! I only had 1 contact in and was half sleeping this morning when my mom explained how to use the washing machine thingy. They are definitely very different than what I’m used to. It probably took me over an hour to do 1 load of laundry :) part of it is with a machine, and then part of it I had to do by hand. Then I had to transfer it to this other part of the machine, and then hang it on the line to dry. It just is a much bigger process here!

Wednesday night I went to church with my family where they hae a youth group type thing. i spent half of the night with my sister in the adults and adolescents group, and then I went with my mom to be with the middle school aged children. They were nuts! I think we have church again tonight, but im’ not sure.

Yesterday was really good. I helped teach English classes in the morning, and I tutored a 24 year old woman one on one for about an hour. In the afternoon, I gave the test for the math class, and then had a little time to talk to the other missionaries. The other missionaries here are really great, and I’ve enjoyed talking to them.

I feel very blessed with the wonderful conversations that I have had with different people this past week. I have been able to connect really well with my family and the other missionaries. There were also 2 conversations last night that were fun to have. One was with a woman who came by our house selling things from Nicaragua. She is from Nicaragua, and she makes a living by selling Nicaraguan things door to door here in Costa Rica. I talked to her for probably 45 minutes about her life, Nicaragua, and her experience of being an immigrant. It was wonderful. The other conversation was at a couple’s house from church. My family and I went to their house to talk about this camp that the church is putting on next week. While we were there, the couple’s son came home. He actually went to a British school in Costa Rica, so English was really his first language. I had a good conversation with him as well. I also felt blessed when I went to church on Wednesday night and got to talk to several people there.

I also feel incredibly blessed with the ability God has given me to speak in Spanish. I feel like my Spanish just all of a sudden improved since I got here on my internship, which is weird because I still speak English a lot with the other missionaries. In fact, yesterday I had 3 people sincerely compliment my Spanish. In the morning when I was getting ready to go, my mom told me that she loves when I talk in Spanish because I speak so fluidly. The 2 people I had conversations with last night also said that they never would have guessed that Spanish was difficult for me to learn. I feel so blessed by this ability because it allows me to communicate so much more naturally with these people. I am not near as worried about messing up a sentence because I know that they understand me anyway. I am also able to ask pretty much any question I want to ask them, and I don’t usually feel “stuck” with what I want to say.  God is so good for giving me this and allowing me to connect with people in such wonderful ways. I love that the good conversations I have are with native Spanish speakers too.

God has been faithful to me since I’ve been here, and I continue to ask that he sustain me every day. I know that I am fully dependent on his grace, and I pray that he shows me clearly what this really means in my daily life—to be dependent on God. I want to be fully finding my satisfaction in him. I am thankful for the blessings he has given me, and I pray that he sustains me and gives me patience and peace for this weekend.

I have no idea what the weekend holds, but I know it will be 100% different from my other family. Here, my mom pretty much doesn’t sleep. She gets up at 4:30am most days and goes to between 10 and 11. They are always bustling around, and if I’m ever in the same room as my mom or sister, there is a conversation going on. I don’t think they like silence :) thankfully, I love them dearly so I don’t mind the constant talking!

Today I am going out for lunch with my mom. I am going to take a bus and meet her at her work. I do not gather that they go out to eat much, so this is really a special treat for us. They are very tight financially, as I think I mentioned, yet they are so generous and loving to me. In fact, last night my mom bought me something from the Nicaraguan woman who was here. I was so humbled that she bought me this because I know they cannot afford it. Even though things are tight, she wanted to buy something for me. She said, “Quiero comprar una cosita para mi hija,  la hija de mi corazon.”  This translates to: “I want to buy a little something for my daughter, the daughter of my heart.” :)

Okay, time to go, but I want to apologize for the scatteredness of this blog! I guess this just reflects the lack of order in my life right now :)

La Carpio

Hola!

I have a break between activites now, so I´m taking advantage of this time to update you all a little more about how things are going here. Overall, I really feel like it I going well. My family is awesome, and I am so thankful for them. They are just super loving and hospitable, and I just am amazed at how much they love me. This family has already asked me more questions about me and my day than my other family did in 8 weeks. It´s unbelievable how different every family is! I am truly thankful for this family though. Praise God for this!

I am learning a lot at my internship, and I´m hearing a lot of different stories and hard realities. It is difficult to see these conditions here, just because the girls were born into a bad neighborhood. Many of them are in this condition by no fault of their own. I want to explain this neighborhood a little more.

My neighborhood is called ¨La Carpio.¨I am not living here though as it is not safe to do so. I am ¨safe¨during the day because I walk on the main road (the only road) and it is usually with someone else. No one really knows for sure how many people live here, but the estimates I´ve heard are between 5,000 and 15,000. This is one of the poorest areas in San Jose (probably in all of Costa Rica actually), and it is 90% Nicaraguan immigrants.

In the morning, I am helping with English classes. The school system here (especially for the kids in La Carpio) is extremely lacking, and this is really a challenge for me to be helping with these classes that are so different from classes that I´m used to. It´s hard to know what to think about them, but I´m trying to be open minded and have an attitude of learning. Some of the kids really want to learn, and I cherish those kids. Others could care less, and they don´t really want to be in class. This may sound like a typical classroom, but I assure you that the dynamics are totally different. If the kids don´t go to school here, they have no chance of getting out of this poverty. If they don´t go to school, their parents many times won´t make them go. Education is not required, so there is no law mandating that they go. If they do go to school, the schools in La Carpio are over croweded, and they have 3 waves of students a day to fit more in. This means that the students might get 3 hours of classes a day. Then if the teacher has an appointment or is sick, they just don´t have classes. Some of the kids are able to take a bus to a better school where they might get 5 hours of classes a day, but many families can´t afford the uniforms and books for these classes. It´s really a frustrating school system, and I could go on for a lot longer about it…but I´m probably losing some of you :)

In the afternoons, it is always something different. Today we have Kid´s Club (only on Wednesdays). I´m not sure what that consists of, but I´ll find out!  I´m getting to know some of the other missionaries here, and its really good to talk to them. Even though I´m talking in English with them more than I would like (it´s hard to force yourself to both talk in your 2^nd language), I realize that Spanish is not the only thing that I´m supposed to learn here. I am learning a lot from these missionaries just about La Carpio and also about tough issues in general (short term missions, charity, etc). These are good conversations, and I´m thankful for this chance to get to see their perspectives too.

Tonight, I am going to church with my mom and sister where we have some sort of mission for kids. I don´t know what it is, but I´m guessing some sort of ¨controlled¨chaos with a Bible story and games. Not exactly my forte (chaos, a million kids, noise, etc!), but I pray God gives me his grace. I am willing to try these things and see what God wants me to learn.

When I get up in the morning, I bring myself before God and recognize my inability to get through the day without his help. I cannot possibly do what he wants me to do, and I cannot show his love to others on my own. I am totally dependent on his grace to get through these days, as I am faced with so many challenges daily. God is the only one who is able to sustain me, and I pray that he continues to do this each day. I pray that he shows me his love and that he allows me to reflect that love to others. I pray that he is faithful to me, even when I doubt that he is going to come through for me. I pray that God would take away the lingering doubts that are in my heart, and I pray that he would transform my heart into a heart of service and love for others. If you would, please join me as I bring these requests before God.

Settling In.

Hola!

I am going to keep this short because I’m just extremely tired, but I wanted to let everyone know that I made it to my internship site and am settling in with my new family. My new family is honestly so great. I love them. It is such an incredible blessing from God to have such a hospitable and kind family. They are so sweet and accommodating to me, and I’m humbled to be with them.

Today my internship went well. I think I am going to be spending the majority of my time helping in the English classes. I also am just going to be seeing so much more than just classes though. This community has its own culture, and I am excited to learn more about this area.  

One this is for sure: I will never be lonely during this 3 weeks! In fact, I can hardly pull myself away from my family. This is the 1^st minute of alone time I’ve had since I walked in the door at 5:45pm tonight :) My family is super chatty, so its really wonderful but also tiring after a super long day! I can tell already that this is going to be a prayer request that I have: that I can learn to take myself to God moment by moment because I’m not going to have the alone time that I like to have. Please pray that I find peace and rest in God throughout this really busy 3 weeks. Pray that God would bless the conversations that I have and the relationships that I build. Now I’m off to bed so I can wake up and do it all over again tomorrow!

God's blessings.

Hola!

I just wanted to give an update on the weekend so far. This morning everyone slept in as usual, and I welcomed this tradition. I was able to sleep in and also spend time with God this morning. It was really good to have this time after just having my mind be all over the place lately.

When I heard my parents up, I went out in the kitchen to have breakfast at the same time as them. During breakfast, we talked a lot. We actually talked for over an hour, and I just thank God so much for this time that we had together. We had a good conversation about previous students that they have had, and they were saying all these different characteristics and things like that. During this conversation, they really said some nice things about me, and I was so thankful to have those words of affirmation. It was so nice to hear them compliment me. I don’t think they had done that yet, but this was just so greatly appreciated.

In addition to receiving words of affirmation from them, I really learned something valuable about their mentality with hosting students. They were talking about how they just try to be the same but let the students be themselves. Throughout the conversation I realized that this whole semester they have been trying to give me freedom. Maybe I’ve interpreted this gift of freedom differently than they intended. I’ve thought that they didn’t’ really have an interest in me, but that might not be what they meant to say. Either way, I don’t have my relationship with them figured out, but I don’t think I’m supposed to “figure it out.” I just need to experience it and be content with that.

So this morning was just good because I felt like I was able to understand another piece of the puzzle that is our relationship, and I feel blessed because of that. I also feel blessed to hear the words of affirmation that they gave me.

God continued to bless me throughout the day as later in the afternoon we left for a car ride to go to eat somewhere. They said they wanted to take me somewhere special to say goodbye to me since I am going to be leaving for 3 weeks. I felt like this really showed me that they do care about me since they wanted to take me out somewhere special.

We drove for about 1 ½ hours and drove up one of the mountains here to a restaurant that was almost in the clouds. It was a beautiful drive, a fantastic view, and amazing food. I would say that it was some of the best food I’ve had since I’ve been here in Costa Rica! After eating, we drove back home where we are just chilling now. I’m so thankful that I had the opportunity to go out with them and have lunch. We had a good time just talking and riding and making jokes.

Now, I’m not going to exaggerate and say that our conversation this morning was just this miraculous event and suddenly I feel like a member of the family. However, I would say that this was probably the most comfortable I have felt around them this whole semester. I do not feel amazingly close and connected to them, but I do feel comfortable around them. This is a blessing. A huge blessing.

I just thank God so much for this good day today. God is so good. He knew that I really needed this good day to say goodbye to my family before I head off for 3 weeks. He knew what I needed, and he knew that I was on my last string. Praise God for providing for me!

Tomorrow I am leaving at 3:00pm to go meet my other family. This is going to be another huge transition, so please pray that things go well and that I have a good connection with my new family.

The Mexican Fisherman

This is a story that one of my professors shared with us today and I wanted to pass it along.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs...I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!

"You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.

"Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?"

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends!"

Emotionally spent.

Hola!

This morning started off by giving a group presentation on what we feel is the appropriate response for Americans who are in Latin America. We gave our proposal and listened to the other 4 groups give their proposals. Over all, this morning was very challenging as I was faced with some difficult information. Some of the proposals included information about a bunch of different companies and their practices. This is difficult because many of the companies that I currently support by buying their products do not have ethical behaviors. When I learn about this information, I cannot continue living as I do. I know that things have to change in my life, but it is overwhelming to think about how many things are staring me in the face right now. It was a rather overwhelming morning.

After lunch, we had our other classes where I took 2 tests. I’m glad those tests are over, and I think they went alright. Honestly, the grade I get on a test down here just really doesn’t seem to be that big of a deal when I realize all these huge issues I’m learning.

So 1 presentation and 2 tests later, a few of us rewarded ourselves with the best cinnamon rolls that I have ever had in my life! There is a little bakery just down the block from where we take classes, and they are the only place that I’ve heard of in Costa Rica that has cinnamon rolls (apparently those are very American :) anyway, it was such a great treat after a long day!

Now I’m at home. As I sit here, I am starting to become aware of my emotions right now: overwhelmed and mentally exhausted. The past couple days, God has been continuing to peel back more layers of my heart to show me the brokenness that is inside. I am becoming more aware of my faults and weaknesses, weaknesses that I never even knew I had. On the one hand, I’m truly thankful that I’m becoming aware of these problem areas. I cannot change something that I do not know is broken. On the other hand, it is so overwheleming to think about all the things that need to change and be healed in my life.

I really ask for your prayers in this area. I pray that God would be patient with me during this process of peeling and healing. In addition, I continue to pray that God would guide me into truth for the 1,000s of questions I have about life right now. And finally, I sincerely pray for strength and grace in the next 5 weeks. Here’s why…

In all honesty, I’m feeling more homesick lately. I miss my family and my friends. Also, I think all of you know, but my sister is pregnant right now. She’s due in 3 weeks, and I’m just super bummed to be so far away right now. As I have mentioned before, my Tico family situation is not the most rosy. Speaking of my Tico family, they actually just left without me, and they didn’t’ bother to tell me where they were going or when they will be back. To be blunt, I do not feel very much love from them, and I’m really hungry for that. It just really makes me want to be at home where I know I’m wanted and accepted. I just want to be with people who know me and still love me anyway. I want to be in the kind of environment where I can just relax and breathe again.

But that’s not where God has me right now.

Instead I’m getting shipped off again. This Sunday I leave for my internship where I will live with a new family for 3 weeks. Not only will I have a new family and a new experience with my internship, but I will not be with any other students. It’s 3 weeks of flying solo. Basically, I’m starting all over again.

Part of me is looking forward to it: I’m looking forward to a new family and having a fresh start there. I’m also looking forward to not having any more official classes where I am bombarded by questions and difficult issues.

However, the biggest part of me is just exhausted and not sure I can handle what is about to come. My mind and heart are tired, yet I know that I’m going to need a lot of energy for this upcoming internship. I want to learn as much as possible from this experience, but that requires energy. I want to get to know my family and spend time with them, but again, that requires energy. I just really pray that God fills me with his life and spirit. If it was up to me right now, I think I would just take about 4 days to sleep :) I don’t think that’s going to fly over here though. So I just pray that God sustains me and shows me what it means to live with only him. I want to love him and know him more intimately through this experience.

I want to have time where I  can sit and think through some of these tough things that I’ve been trying to take in the last few days, but I don’t think free time is on the agenda. Although I don’t know my schedule, I’m pretty sure its like a full-time job. In addition to that full-time job, I have a lot of homework: several articles to read, a book to read, and 3 papers to write (everything is in Spanish by the way :) Not to mention I want to spend time getting to know my new family. I think these next 3 weeks could just be really full, so I really ask for your prayer support.

I want to sincerely thank everyone for your prayers and for continuing to think about me as you read my blog. Thank you also for all the encouraging emails that you send. Even though I do not have time to always respond to every single one individually, I am truly humbled as I read these sweet emails. I see God in them.