Encouraged.

I’m at a loss for words. I’ve been sitting here for a long time now, trying to figure out what it is that I’m supposed to write. Since no words seemed to be coming to my mind, I searched my Bible, looking for the right passage to express what is going on inside of me right now, yet I did not find the perfect verse that sums up my heart.

So I guess I’ll just try to babble through it as concisely as I can.

I do not know how to explain what is happening in my heart, but I know that I am encouraged. I feel a ray of hope. Yesterday God encouraged me to keep fighting and to keep struggling through these spiritual battles that I’m facing. He encouraged me to not throw in the towel.

As I’ve mentioned numerous times before, I’m just incredibly confused about many things right now. There are so many big issues related to my faith that I do not understand right now. However, God showed me yesterday that I am confusing assurance with understanding. I do not understand most of what is going on right now, but God has opened my eyes to see that I belong to Jesus Christ. This is an assurance that I must hold on to. I must keep going back to this and believing this. I can’t afford not to. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by putting my faith in Jesus Christ. God is giving me the strength to keep going. He alone knows the grace that he has given me, and he will sustain me as I go down the path he has prepared for me.

God is also opening my eyes to the ways that he has been answering my prayers. I am struggling to know if God is answering my prayers or if it is just a natural cause and effect thing that is disguised s an answered prayer. He reminded me that nothing happens outside of his will. Something that seems to be merely a natural consequence still has then hand of God written all over it.

I am truly grateful for the encouragement and hope that God has given me yesterday and today. I am humbled as I see him answer my prayers and your prayers.

It’s obvious by now that I have been vulnerable in this blog throughout the semester. I’m assuming that most of the people who are reading this blog are people who really know me well, but for those of you who don’t, you should know that I really strive to be a genuine person. If I’m crabby, I don’t see the point in putting on a smile and telling the world that my day is wonderful. I truly desire to be genuine with others.

At the same time, this does not mean that I just tell everyone all that is going on in my life. Definitely not. I am genuine, but I am also reserved and introverted. Again, most of you know this about me.  There are actually very few people that I share my whole heart with. Nonetheless, I decided a long time ago that I was going to honestly present my struggles in this blog simply because I wanted to be real. I believe the world is sick of people who fake it all the time, and we are all hungry for some genuine people. I want to be one of those people. The things I’ve been sharing are definitely not the whole story, but they are hopefully a glimpse of my heart and the things that I’m experiencing.

That being said, I think God has rewarded my vulnerability. Yep, it’s risky to be vulnerable. People will talk about you. But it’s totally worth it. As a result of being vulnerable in these blogs, God has placed certain messages on people’s hearts, and these people have emailed me throughout the semester. Although you may not have heard a specific reply from me, these emails have been exactly what I needed to hear. For example, this morning I read an email that was written in response to my last blog post. I have not talked to this person the entire time I’ve been here in Costa Rica. In fact, this person told me that they haven’t read a single blog this entire semester. Nonetheless, God had placed it on this perosn’s heart to read my blog and write me an email in response to the post. This blog was exactly what I needed to hear, and there was a sentence in it that truly was from God. The sentence was: “I think you know deep down that the problem is not that God does not love you but that something in you is preventing you from feeling that love.”  When I read this sentence, I knew that this was 100% correct. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

I’m not saying this so that you will all write me emails of encouragement. Not at all. I share this example to encourage you to keep being the body of Christ, wherever you are. This is what it means to lift each other up in prayer. I have been encouraged by you, and it has been God working through you. I am learning what it means to support each other as brothers and sisters in Christ, and I am so thankful.

Like I said, I want to encourage you to continue being the body of Christ. But in order for this to work, you have to first be vulnerable with others. People cannot know how to encourage you or how to pray for you if you do not tell them. Usually, no one wants to be the one who is vulnerable. It’s not fun to talk about your imperfections. We want to have it all put together and all figured out. I totally get this: I’m a perfectionist by nature. But God is lovingly peeling back the layers of my heart to show me more and more of my weaknesses. The more I am aware of my weaknesses, the more I realize that I cannot do this alone. I need support. I need prayers. I need people to pick me up when I can’t stand on my own. I hope you will be encouraged to be vulnerable with others and to continue picking others up when they can’t stand alone.